A Heartbeat

Most of the time I don't really think about my heart beating inside my chest. Especially since I have never had any significant problems with my heart. I had a heart murmur when I was a child and I had some form of anemia for which I was required to take the most awful tasting iron medicine. But, since I was about eight or so I have been blessed with good heart health and have taken for granted that my heart was beating in my chest as it always had.

Four weeks ago I had a new view of a heart beat that I had never considered. That was the day that we had our first ultrasound of our fish (I will explain the fish story below). On that day I knew what David meant in Psalm 139.13 when he said "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb" (ESV). How our God puts us together in the womb is so beautiful. See, on that day (Nov. 19th) I thought that Christi and I were just going to the doctor to figure out a little about this pregnancy. I did not expect to see the little person whose image I posted last week. What's more I did not expect to see all of the inward parts of this 11 week old fetus.

See, our society would tell me that what is inside my wife right now is not really a life. They would say that we could morally terminate this pregnancy at anytime before week 20 because "the baby won't know the difference" or "it can't feel pain yet" or "it's not really a person yet." But, if they saw what I saw on that screen they would not be able to argue that anymore. David goes on to say in verse 15 of the same Psalm "My frame was not hidden from you, when I was been made in secret." Every aspect of the human body was present on that image. You can look at the picture I posted and clearly see a head and hands and legs...this on an 11 week fetus. The "frame", as David calls it, is not hidden. It is clearly seen.

But, what you can't see in this picture of our little fish is the inward parts. I don't know what the magnification on the screen was that day. I do know that our baby at that time was 4.25 cm (just under two inches long). Even at that size we could clearly see its spine already formed. We could also see this little swirly cloud that had a semblance to the cloud that follows Pigpen on Charlie Brown. It was our baby's heart, beating fast. That was my child's heartbeat. I could see it and I knew it was a heart beating my baby's blood though its veins, pumping the nutrients from Christi's body through its own that it might sustain itself. I had to stop that day and think about my own body. How I had been created and knit together by our Creator God over 28 years ago. My thoughts immediately compelled me to this psalm of David, specifically verse 14 where David says, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Not just me, but my wife, and now my child.

Today brought a whole new perspective. Today was the day that we went and heard the heartbeat. I am pleased to say that our little fish has a strong heartbeat at +/- 160 beats per minute. I know, I know there are old wives tales about fast means girl...the doctor said they are all fast at this point and the 150-160 ranges is actually in the middle somewhere. But, what we know is that the same God who has sustained our lives since day one, keeping our hearts beating for us has given a heartbeat to our child. A heartbeat that He alone will sustain and maintain as He sees fit. How great is our God who forms us, knitting us together, and giving us a heartbeat no matter how often we think about what it is doing in our chest.

I promised to explain why we call this child our "little fish". News of the baby spread rapidly around our church. Currently, Christi is the only pregnant person in our congregation (that we know of) and there were two babies born this past year. It is exciting for our church family as well. One of our church members was an elderly man who had been battling bone cancer over the last year. Over Thanksgiving weekend he took a turn for the worst. I visited with him in the hospital and we talked about several things...Clemson, fishing, family, etc. After I left, his wife asked him if he could remember mine and Christi's news. After thinking a second his response was, "Yeah, and I'm so glad that he and Christi are having a fish." Ever since his wife told us of that story, we have referred to the baby as our "little fish" and we will probably as long as the child lets us.