Bridging the Divide 3 - Godly Friendships

Quick. Think about your best friend. Okay, let me clarify for all of you romantics out there…yes, your spouse should be your best friend and there are a plethora of reasons for this to be the case. However, think about your not-married-to best friend. If you are married, this should be a woman for the ladies or a man for the men. We can discuss those reasons in a different conversation.

I can tell you a lot about the man I have long considered to be my best friend. We were roommates in college for a couple of years. We were in each other’s weddings. He and his wife recently told us that if something were to happen to them, we get their kids. It may be 5-6 months in between conversations, but they always pick up right where they left off.

That is the kind of friend I am talking about you considering right now.

Proverbs 17.17 says “A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in a time of need.” (NLT)[i] In Proverbs 27, verse six reads “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” In fact, the Bible is replete with examples of godly friendships that were necessary for the spiritual, social, and emotional growth of many people God used mightily:

• David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel
• Daniel with Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah in Daniel 1-3
• Paul and Luke, Titus, Timothy, Silas, and Barnabas
• Peter with John Mark
• Jesus with his 12 disciples, especially the 3 closest to him: Peter, James, and John

Why is this important for you and me today? What does this have to do with the church and spiritual growth? I believe that it is paramount for us to have true friendships. Not buddies, not gal pals, and no work associates. Friends. Friends that are loyal, that speak to our heart’s deepest needs and shortfalls.

In recent weeks we have talked about how many people within the church we *truly* know. That is, the people that we truly know what goes on in their lives beyond church at 11 on Sunday. These would be a starting point for truly understanding friendships. But, let me give you reasons why it is important for us to have friends within the church:

1. We are created to bear God’s image. This statement probably does not strike you as being overly profound. If you are in the church, or have been around the church, you understand that the Bible teaches creation. However, in creating man in His own image (Gen. 1.27), God gave us the unique ability to be relational. Yes, I understand that animals have herd mentalities, alpha-species capabilities, and some unique traits to their design as God made them. That only lifts up God as a majestic Creator! But, you and I have something different about the way we relate. We relate on social, emotional, spiritual, and physical levels. Above that, we relate to God! As we bear God’s image, we do so in relationship with one another.
2. The Church thrives on healthy relationships. Think about this for a moment. It really is not hard to determine, but our relationship to God in Christ Jesus has placed us in direct relationship with one another. If we display the glory of the image of God, we do so best when we function according to the Gospel together. This does not mean nor is it meant to imply perfect and harmonious relationships. It means healthy. Healthy relationships bridge conflict and disagreements with an end goal of a stronger unit. Just like marriage. Unhealthy marriages are marriages that are dominated by one spouse or the other. It shows up in physical, verbal, sexual, and emotional abuse often times. Other times, it shows up in the social incapacity of one spouse to respond or participate because have never been allowed to do so. The same in the church. Healthy relationships do not note the absence of conflict, but the godly resolution of them when they arise.
   
3. Your spiritual growth is hindered by lack of true friends. Yep. That is a true statement. There is no such thing as lone ranger spirituality. Your life in Christ is not designed to function in a vacuum. It was meant to function in a relationship with other Christians…we call that church! If you are not part of a local church, you are not growing in your relationship with Christ! I have heard eleventy billion excuses for why someone is better off without the church. I’m sorry, but it does not work that way. I can give you Scriptural reasons for why, but typically what it comes down to is either someone got hurt in a church relationship and cannot forgive (Eph 4.32) OR someone does not want to be told and lovingly shown how the Gospel changes their lives, so they make it up as they go. That is pride. If you fall in the “no church” category, please give me a chance in person to walk with you. I cannot guarantee that you are not going to be disappointed in another church service, member, pastor, deacon, parking lot, song, carpet color, etc. We live in a broken world, but I believe the Church is at its best when we walk through brokenness together!
4. True, godly friends lift you up and point you to Christ. I love the way Kent Hughes says this in his book Disciplines of a Godly Man: “You also need Christian male friends who have a same-sex understanding of the serpentine passages of your heart, who will not only offer counsel and pray for you, but will also hold you accountable to your commitments and responsibilities when necessary.”[ii] Yes, he is writing to men, but the principle applies to ladies as well. In fact, most women understand this better than men. We just don’t like opening up about stuff. But, we are starving ourselves of the necessary relationship with someone who gets us, each male and female. I can talk to my wife about anything (and it is a practice I highly encourage all you marrieds to carry out), but there are somethings that another man will be able to understand better because he has been there as a man, too.
5. Open and honest friendships ensure that we are open and honest with ourselves. Do you know who the easiest person for you to lie to is? It’s not a stranger, it’s not your kids about Santa, and it’s not even your boss. It is you. “The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable – who can understand it?”(CSB)[iii] That’s right, the most deceitful thing is already in you. Even if you are a Christian, your heart is easily swayed and it easily sways you. Investing in an open and honest friendship will help you see its deception.

Remember your best friend from earlier? Think about how you became friends. It took a little work. It took a few awkward miscommunications and disputes. But, in the end, you both came out stronger and so did your friendship.

Now consider your brothers and sisters in Christ at your local church. How will you bridge that gap? Where will you embrace a godly friendship? What risk will you take to invest in someone else? You will grow. They will grow. And, together, your church will grow stronger.

Find someone Sunday and start the journey!

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[i] Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved

[ii] R. Kent Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Man, 10^th Anniversary Ed. (Wheaton, Ill: Crossway Books, 2001), 59.

[iii] Scripture quotations marked CSB have been taken from the Christian Standard Bible® Copyright© 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible® and CSB® are registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.